I DO Know!

Over the last couple years, ever since I (Julie) decided not to go to college, I couldn't count the number of times I've had people ask me, "So you are still deciding what you want to do?" I cringe to remember the times I've said yes, just because I didn't have the courage to say that I really felt God was leading me. Most of the time, though, I do say something to the effect that I want to be a stay at home wife and mom, or that I want to be a Domestic Engineer (I've gotten some interesting responses to that!), or that I simply felt that I was supposed to be at home. Before I go any further, please understand that I'm not saying this is what every girl finishing high school should do (I'll leave that up to God's speaking to their hearts), or that I perfectly understand His plan for me. Perhaps now more than ever, I feel like I have no idea what He's going to come up with next, but I can't wait to find out. Anyway, moving on. Lately, God has been giving me so much assurance and peace in His plan, that I am able to say, "This is what I want to do!" I know some people have a hard time with the fact that I could have done well in college and gotten a high-paying job, and instead I am staying at home. Please don't think I have given up learning! I love to learn, to read, to grow. But now, I can grow in the ways I need and want, and not in the way that the school system mandates. I have so enjoyed reading a varied assortment of books that have stretched me and challenged my brain. I love that I have learned many life skills that, sorry to say, I don't think I would have learned at college. There are so many invaluable things that I would have missed out on had I been gone at college this past year and a half. If I had gone to college, I would never have started working at Kal's. That has been one of the most challenging and rewarding things I've ever done. I still remember the day that I made a sale all on my own (no running back to my dad's office to ask the sku number for something). It was only two different dimensions of lumber, but I can still feel the relief that I was finally catching on and maybe I could do this. Over the months, I have gotten to know some of the most interesting people. Some are strong men of the faith who have challenged me and helped me to walk closer with God. Some are not followers of Jesus, and have helped me learn to deal with (sometimes difficult) people, and to try to show Christ's love to them in the small window of time I am allowed to be a part of their life. The time I've spent with my dad here could never be replaced. Never. Second, if I had gone to college, I would have missed out on a lot of time with the rest of my family. Yes, I know I won't be living at home forever, and someday I'm going to have to miss out on much time with them, but why start sooner than necessary? I firmly believe God put our family together for a reason, and that I can learn a lot from them. I've gotten closer to my mom, as I have learned aspects of housekeeping from the greatest housekeeper I know. My sisters continue to be some of my closest friends. Third, going to college would have meant much less time with Kyle and Ella. As you can tell from our blog, that would have broken my heart! Fourth, because I keep saying that I want to be a homemaker and I really feel that is what God is calling me towards, I have become more committed to it, and hope and pray that when I do get married and have children (God willing), I will be more dedicated and ready to serve them. By far the most important thing that I have experienced by staying home is a closer walk with our Father. He has taught me so many things, and showed me I have so much more to learn. He has helped me to let go of some of my greatest fears (such as not having a definite plan for the next four years that college would give), and pointed out painful areas I still need to work on surrendering fully to Him. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, as He takes me on this wild ride, surprising me at each turn. Now, why would I want to trade these experience for anything? Granted, the argument is that I am missing out on many parts of the college experience. Sure, but is that the "experience" I want to have? Another argument I hear a lot is, "What if you never get married?" or, "Don't you think you should have a back-up?" What, in case God doesn't come through? I had really thought about that during my senior year when I was wrestling with the question of what to do next year. Shouldn't I just go to college and get a degree just in case? Then I realized that God was asking me if I could trust Him enough to do what I knew He was speaking in my heart to do. It hasn't been easy. Anyone who knows me knows I like to have a plan and be in control. Maybe this is God helping me change that a little and learn to rely on Him more. In summary, a college "experience" could never replace what God has let me experience at home. It bothers me that our society seems to think that college is the only option for a girl graduating from high school. Just because I'm not spending thousands a year to get an "education" doesn't mean I'm not learning, and it doesn't mean that I'm just sitting on the couch eating bon-bons waiting for some Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet and set me in a castle with servants to take care of my every whim. I might not know exactly what my future will hold, and, who knows, maybe some day I will find something that I just love to do and will want to be further trained in that area away from home, but at this point, all I know is that I AM doing what I want to do.